"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
