So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
