roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
