My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
