theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
