she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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