No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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