i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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