You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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