giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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