have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
