I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
