she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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