It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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