I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
