nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
