You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!