When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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