I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots