I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.