We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
