I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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