I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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