apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
