Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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