well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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