my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize