To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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