Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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