I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
