I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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