Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
