Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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