the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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