Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
