dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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