The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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