he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
