I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
