help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
