This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
and you said cock pushups were impossible
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm