I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It all started with a game of naked twister.