i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.