Ambien. No doubt about it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness