What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dicks are not precious.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
