and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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