Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
