im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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