Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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