the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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