Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
