I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize