Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
