I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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