I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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