Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Small penises have feelings too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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