You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
