I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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