I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
