Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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