So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
