He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were destined to go to rehab together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
