All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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