they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
