Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
