I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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