"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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