Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
