i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
