the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
