my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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