Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
