piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pants are for mortals
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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