Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
