I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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