Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
