i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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