I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry about my life...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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