I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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