stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
