After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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